From the Desk of Wes Thompson, Chapter President of the Dumbass Husbands Society:
It is with my utmost and deepest apologies that such incidences have arose so close to, what we at the D.H.S (not to be confused with the Department of Homeland Security, that is an entirely different group of dumbasses) consider to be a very important date. Surely, a woman of your intelligence and distinct honor can make special considerations of me and my club members for the grievances given you in this volatile time of Holiday occasion. We, members of the club, strive to please the women of our lives but often fall short, quite often in fact, if the truth must be told. Some members claim that this unfortunate conundrum is based on sheer lack of understanding, while others boast that it is a mere glitch in the very DNA we carry as the male of this complex and beautiful species. I often find myself bearing the thought that we at the Dumbass Husbands Society must be just living up to our rightful name, Dumbasses.
Mrs. Thompson, I won’t strive to take up any more of your time with my ramblings. I have caused enough grief on your part as is. It is my hope that you will accept this letter as a sincere notion to move forward in a more tranquil light and that we may celebrate your upcoming Birthday without any reservations or hard feelings. Mrs. Thompson, I would also be remiss if I did not remind you that, as your husband and President of the D.H.S, I truly love you. On behalf of me and the D.H.S, Please accept this coupon for a delicious Ham, redeemable at your local market, as a token of our thanks for your understanding in this regrettable situation.
With sincere regards,
Wes Thompson, D.H.S Chapter President