With my anniversary quickly approaching, I am inclined to ponder about what gift I should bestow upon my wife that could possibly say thanks for tolerating me for the past year. Jewelry had crossed my mind a time or two, if only I could persuade my bank account to cough up the money it doesn’t and never has.

I could buy her a pretty dress, I know that would make her happy. But these days, there are so many choices, styles, designs, colors, etc that a man hardly has a chance to get it right. Not to mention, any man buying clothing for a woman takes a huge risk, no matter if it is the most fashionable slimline dress or just a pair of socks. There’s that whole sizing issue that a man is guaranteed to fall short on. You can check your wife’s closet 5 times only to walk out more confused with each checking of the label. Do not wing it here gentlemen, that can and will be a costly mistake. No matter if you buy it a size up or size down, she will be disappointed and upset, and believe me, you will buy it in a size up or down. I’m beginning to wonder if dress manufacturers even make a piece of clothing in my wife’s particular size, everything in her closet seems to be too small or too large for her to wear.

Perfume could be a safe bet though. A pilfering through my wife’s collection to find the nearest to empty bottle will tell me what I’m after. Always pick the one that is almost empty, at least you can prove that she will actually use it. It will probably be something sweet knowing my wife. A smell that might remind you of ripe fruit or fresh flowers. These sorts of things seem to please her. However, what I never understood, is if perfume is meant to attract a man why are they scented in such a way that only a woman really finds it pleasurable. I can’t tell the difference between any bottle of perfume my wife has. They all contort my senses with stinging sweetness. I worry that if I walk too close to her, a bee might mistake me for a pollinating flower and sting me. What women really need are perfumes that attract men.

If I were to design a bottle of perfume it would be something of the fall variety. Perhaps the smell of a September dove field, sort of dry with a hint of aging corn for an added note of pleasure. If you could somehow blend in the smell of a warm dog and the first fresh killed bird of the season, you could bottle and sell it as a special edition. If the dove field wasn’t to your wife’s particular liking, how about an October afternoon in a soybean field. The smell would be of milder weather and as light as the fall breeze. One mere spray and a man’s mind would immediately drift away to some happy deer stand he remembered. He would hear the ringing cicada’s making their evening orchestra and remember the squirrel hunting the ground for the years sweetest acorns. In my perfume, the man would always catch that wary buck slipping across the field just as the sun tucked into the horizon. Still not your wife’s favorite? Surely the smell of a duck swamp on a cold December morning will suit her. What man doesn’t love the smell of the bog being churned under his boots. The misty exhale of his lungs lingering out past him as he makes his way to the duck blind. Wood cock and wood ducks, my perfume would carry the presence of them both and I wouldn’t over charge.

I’ve got to cut this short. There’s a bottle of duck training scent in the garage and I’ve got to do some tinkering. My anniversary is only a couple of weeks away and there’s so many new scents I have to try.

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